We all have demons
After reading the things Sassy writes about I realize just how very sad and lonely she is. I have decided, in an attempt to show what she suffers from is beatable and she is not completely alone and that other folks quite a bit like her are closer to her than she thinks. So here is that story, or at least the abridged version.
In 1995 I was a young 18 year old PV2 in the Army. I was stationed in D company, 1st Battalion 72nd Armored Regiment in beautiful (not) Camp Casey, Republic of Korea. I had made several friends one of whom was a young man named Dave. He was all of 20 and had a pregnant wife at home. It is June 20th. A Tuesday. I was assigned to 1st Brigade HQ as a staff runner for the day. Several of us had gone out drinking the night before. I among others was feeling a little cloudy in the head. Our unit's training had been cancelled that day becuase we were getting new M1A1 tanks. Our unit sat on a hill in the valley at the base of a mountain. One of the guys I had been out with the night before was in a tank. It's brakes failed, and ran over Dave while he slept in his quonset hut. (Gomer Pyle style building) We dug and dug to get him out. There was nothing we could do for him. He was gone. His arm stuck out from under the tread of the tank. I will not get into any further detail. I was extremely upset. Almost beyond belief. I blamed myself, it was afterall my idea to go out drinking the night before. If we hadn't gone out maybe the guy driving would have been able to do something to stop what was happening. I had nightmares for years. Eventually 3 years later I had decided to end it all. I even had my plan. I was going to take my service weapon, a Barretta 9mm pistol, on our next range day and shoot myself. Fortunately, I didn't do it. So I got therapy and some zoloft and after a while it got better. The army psychologist said I had PTSD. With a little survivor's guilt thrown in. So you see
it is beatable. It takes a while. I know you are sad and feel completely alone and most likely misunderstood. I only shared this so you could see that other's have been to the edge and came back. I think the thought of leaving my family (Jess and our daughter) probably stopped me. That the act alone is cowardly helped a lot too. I'm not having a pity party and I'm not saying I've got it or had it bad. Just sharing a little piece of who I am.
In 1995 I was a young 18 year old PV2 in the Army. I was stationed in D company, 1st Battalion 72nd Armored Regiment in beautiful (not) Camp Casey, Republic of Korea. I had made several friends one of whom was a young man named Dave. He was all of 20 and had a pregnant wife at home. It is June 20th. A Tuesday. I was assigned to 1st Brigade HQ as a staff runner for the day. Several of us had gone out drinking the night before. I among others was feeling a little cloudy in the head. Our unit's training had been cancelled that day becuase we were getting new M1A1 tanks. Our unit sat on a hill in the valley at the base of a mountain. One of the guys I had been out with the night before was in a tank. It's brakes failed, and ran over Dave while he slept in his quonset hut. (Gomer Pyle style building) We dug and dug to get him out. There was nothing we could do for him. He was gone. His arm stuck out from under the tread of the tank. I will not get into any further detail. I was extremely upset. Almost beyond belief. I blamed myself, it was afterall my idea to go out drinking the night before. If we hadn't gone out maybe the guy driving would have been able to do something to stop what was happening. I had nightmares for years. Eventually 3 years later I had decided to end it all. I even had my plan. I was going to take my service weapon, a Barretta 9mm pistol, on our next range day and shoot myself. Fortunately, I didn't do it. So I got therapy and some zoloft and after a while it got better. The army psychologist said I had PTSD. With a little survivor's guilt thrown in. So you see
it is beatable. It takes a while. I know you are sad and feel completely alone and most likely misunderstood. I only shared this so you could see that other's have been to the edge and came back. I think the thought of leaving my family (Jess and our daughter) probably stopped me. That the act alone is cowardly helped a lot too. I'm not having a pity party and I'm not saying I've got it or had it bad. Just sharing a little piece of who I am.
posted by Medic 4 at 1:47 PM
3 Comments:
Nice to learn about stuff a wife should know in a blog written for other people.....
I'm sorry baby. I thought you knew everything. Maybe It's been buried up so long that I don't remember what I told you about it. I'm sorry, please forgive me.
Thanks for the story, Steve. Sorry you felt that way. Sometimes people feel there is no other way out. What I lack is hope.
You're wife should always know first!
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