Burned baby Tater Man

Yesterday we went BBQing at my sister's house. My little Tater man grabbed and then fell against a grill. He got a small burn about the size of the palm of his hand on his chest. It appears to be a second degree burn in the center. I don't normally get to see an injury occur, I tend to show up not long after the incident. So this has not sat well with me. I can still see it happening in my head and the sizzling noise it made still echos in my mind. Not fun for anyone involved. Tater is how he always is though, too busy and tough to sit still. Even though I know the pain he has he just keeps on keeping on. That little guy is just tough as nails.

Funny how the time flies by

I used to be stationed at Ft. Knox, while there we became friends with a family from way up by Minnesota. The last time I saw them the oldest boy was about 10 years old. He graduates from high school this weekend. Makes me feel old. I start to feel a little older more and more. Don't really know what to make of it. Over the years I have seen a lot, gotten some good memories. But time keeps on ticking and the years pass by.

Almost there!!

Tomorrow is my last "quiz" before my final. I finally got a perfect score on a test. That was like a week ago, and I got an 86 on my last test. I should get another perfect score on this one tomorrow. It's real simple stuff like extrication and operations and incident command. No biggie. I also get to turn in the last of my homework/workbook. I am so close now. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Good luck to me!!

Back from the field!

As you may or may not know I get to spend about one weekend a month during the summer and fall portraying a soldier from the War Between the States. Civil war for you Yankee types. We left out Friday morning for Sacramento, Kentucky for a reenactment there. Got back late Sunday night. Anyway, I noticed that my better looking half wrote about her day of cooking and tea brewing so my unit would have goodies and beverage to consume after a long hot day of marching and heathen Yankee killing. When I say a day of cooking and brewing, I literally mean a full day. She finally finished baking somewhere around 10:30 that night. And then was up in time to see us off in the morning. I can hardly wait for the day she gets to come with me. During this last event on Saturday night it started to lightning and thunder, yet it was short lived. Right after the clouds broke was the deepest blue with the twinkling of a thousand little lights so far above. They seemed to pierce right to your soul. A thousand thoughts seemed to race through my mind. Almost all of them related to my ancestor's experiences 140+ years before my own. Every couple of minutes I could see my wife in my mind. In my own mind she was right there with me seeing those stars. I would think on how brightly her eyes shine and and sparkle when she looks at me and I am lucky enough to see them. I miss her so when I go off to refight battles already won or lost so many years ago. To say that I appreciate the tea and goodies is not even close to how I feel. I am sustained by them, not becuase they taste good and I'm hungry or thirsty, but because she puts so much effort forth in them and I know that her love is in every little chunk of cake or homemade bread, or cornbread, or muffin, and in every ounce of tea. We leave again in three weeks. I hope so knows just how much I truly appreciate all that she does for me. I love you Jess!!

We all have demons

After reading the things Sassy writes about I realize just how very sad and lonely she is. I have decided, in an attempt to show what she suffers from is beatable and she is not completely alone and that other folks quite a bit like her are closer to her than she thinks. So here is that story, or at least the abridged version.

In 1995 I was a young 18 year old PV2 in the Army. I was stationed in D company, 1st Battalion 72nd Armored Regiment in beautiful (not) Camp Casey, Republic of Korea. I had made several friends one of whom was a young man named Dave. He was all of 20 and had a pregnant wife at home. It is June 20th. A Tuesday. I was assigned to 1st Brigade HQ as a staff runner for the day. Several of us had gone out drinking the night before. I among others was feeling a little cloudy in the head. Our unit's training had been cancelled that day becuase we were getting new M1A1 tanks. Our unit sat on a hill in the valley at the base of a mountain. One of the guys I had been out with the night before was in a tank. It's brakes failed, and ran over Dave while he slept in his quonset hut. (Gomer Pyle style building) We dug and dug to get him out. There was nothing we could do for him. He was gone. His arm stuck out from under the tread of the tank. I will not get into any further detail. I was extremely upset. Almost beyond belief. I blamed myself, it was afterall my idea to go out drinking the night before. If we hadn't gone out maybe the guy driving would have been able to do something to stop what was happening. I had nightmares for years. Eventually 3 years later I had decided to end it all. I even had my plan. I was going to take my service weapon, a Barretta 9mm pistol, on our next range day and shoot myself. Fortunately, I didn't do it. So I got therapy and some zoloft and after a while it got better. The army psychologist said I had PTSD. With a little survivor's guilt thrown in. So you see
it is beatable. It takes a while. I know you are sad and feel completely alone and most likely misunderstood. I only shared this so you could see that other's have been to the edge and came back. I think the thought of leaving my family (Jess and our daughter) probably stopped me. That the act alone is cowardly helped a lot too. I'm not having a pity party and I'm not saying I've got it or had it bad. Just sharing a little piece of who I am.

9 days

Well kids there are only 9, count 'em 9 days of paramedic school left. I still have a few clinical days to do, and about 200 hours left to ride on the ambulance. But at least class is nearly over. I have no idea what my grade is right now, moreover I don't really care. Ok, I care, but not like I did when it started. Just need an 80%. Nothing more, nothing less. Espescially nothing less. Anyways, more to follow.

Getting through it

My wife has a good friend named "Sassy". I would like to take a minute to say something to her. Sassy, I have read your writings for a little while now and your latest posting makes me feel like saying something. So here it is. I know that you have gone through quite a bit in your life, and your world has completely collapsed around you the last months. It is extremely dark now, it is extremely hard now. I'm sure you have a lot of days where you don't want to even get out of bed. It will eventually get better. Maybe not today and maybe not tomorrow, but soon enough. The other thing is, it also has the potential to get worse, much, much worse. You will get through it. From the things I have heard about you, you will survive by sheer stubbornness alone. You are about to have a great support net in place. You will see that even though it's horrible and it may seem like there is no end in sight. It will get better. I know this. I ask you now to fight. Put every ounce of energy you have into it and fight for all you're worth. Be strong and have faith. The cavalry is coming. It's going to take us a while to get to you, so you have to hold out a little longer. I have faith in you, you will come through this. We will help you. We will push, pull, drag, or carry you. You will not be left to do this on your own. There are people in this world that care for you. I'm married to one. I don't know you yet but I care about you because of the bond you have with Jess. I keep telling her to tell you to hang in there. So now I'M telling you. HANG IN THERE. I didn't write this to you to be mean, just to let you know there are people you haven't even met that care about you and want to get through this dark time you are having. Don't give up. Don't worry about being alone or without a relationship. You don't really need that to go with what you got going on now. I know you'd feel a little better, but it's just a band-aid. Just keep going, we'll be there soon.

Steve