Life and the calls, continue on....

The memorial service was on Saturday. April 1, 2006...April Fool's Day. I kind of expected in the back of my mind to see Josh pull off his greatest prank ever. But, it wasn't a prank. I have seen a lot of people make comments about this on my wife's bloggy thing. Everyone telling how sorry they are and to stay strong and that they lost a coworker once. I appreciate the support for such a terrible loss. I sometimes find myself feeling two ways when I hear things like, I've lost a co-worker too. In my chosen profession, we are not just co-workers. We don't punch out at the end of an 8 hour day. We spend 24 hours together at a time. These people become your family. I spend more waking moments with my crew on station than I do with my wife and kids. So you see I have 2 families, my work family and my home family. So you see not only have I lost a friend and co-worker, but I lost a brother as well. We catch each other's colds, share in each other's lives, go to places and see things that people just aren't supposed to see. But Josh did it in more than just the EMS way, he was also a Volunteer Firefighter, and a Reserve Police Officer. He had two extra sets of brothers. There are so many memories of Josh and the calls we worked and times spent on station together. The Thanksgiving turkey that we tried to deep fry. I stress tried. Did you know that deep frying a turkey outside in November with Lake Michigan winds blowing takes more time to cook than in an oven. But we did it and ate it. I had almost forgotten about that. Or talking to him about his girlfriend. Or eating cheesy mac hamburger helper. I think I'm hitting the anger phase now and that really messed up part is that I know it's happening. I can't really be anything but mad at this point. Not mad that he's gone so much, but mad that it just wasn't fair for the rest of us. Mad that his entire future is wasted. Mad that he never once friggin' listened to us when we asked him, told him, begged him to slow it the fuck down and put on the damned helmet already. But he'd flash that smile of his and remind us that he's having fun and he'll be fine. I think I'm done ranting about this. I think it's gonna be okay, it is right? I sure could use some reassurance on this one. I don't say that very often.